Cand ajungi sa comanzi cu FoodPanda de la restaurantul din fata cladirii unde traiesti…
Ma musca un sentiment de vinovatie. Ma gandesc ca sunt ”totally non grounded”.
Oare de ce ne simtim vinovati, ma intreb?
Traiesc un film dar din cand in cand filmul e intrerupt de un anunt publicitar. Asa as descrie acest moment.
I domesticated a hunter. #confession
#2 Februarie 2016
Zi esuata.
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#3 Aprilie 2016 Constanta, Romania
Imi place cerul de Romania, adierile de vant senzuale ale primaverii, noptile naive. Miroase a sansa noua.
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#5 Aprilie 2016 Cluj, Romania
Zile in care beau cafea cu gem privind soarele.
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# Mai 2016
Sunt pe nisipuri miscatoare in tocuri de 12 cm. Asa ma simt azi.
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#Vara 2016
Miroase a tei, a vara, a praf, a lilieci, a iasomie si portocale, a saruturi la colt de strada. Povesti de viata umbla pe Bulevardul Aviatorilor, chiar langa Parccul Kiseleff.
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I liked you. I liked you because most people carry with them when they travel a religious book or a talisman of some kind or a semi precious stone, a favourite T-shirt … you travel with Anais Nin’s diary. And it’s not something you are currently reading. You read it hundreds of time. It’s your frequency at this moment, this year, this summer, this country, this you, one of you. So I had to meet you and get to know you better.
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Can I play in your game? I lost my self esteem in a city good for dreamers.
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Sigur, toate ne rugam la bunul Dumnezeu sa ne trimita un barbat, dar cand il avem alaturi, ne pare trimis de Dracul.
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Am fost la cina cu niste femei care nu au avut ocazia sa pacatuiasca.
O situatie oarecum Kafkaesque in care mi s-a spus ca daca sunt single and in my thirties sunt un leftover, sufar de illusion of infinite choice si cu siguranta o sa am o viata plina de regrete.
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Hey girl, gender is a social construct but everyone likes to cuddle.
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Cateodata ma trezesc dimineata si am sufletul lichid.
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Conversatie cu un prieten pe Whatsapp:
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Confession: I always wanted to be a professional dancer.
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Confession: Histrionic Personality Disorder.
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Note to self: There are a lot of things in life that you can’t control or you can’t improve immediately, but your bedroom is not one of them.
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Mood:
“My pussy? Tastes like skinny dipping
in a glass of bourbon. Tastes like brass knuckles
and blush. It tastes like pop stars eating Pop-Tarts.
Tastes like your mother’s does. Like a small
knife. It tastes like your favorite
cocktail spiked with antifreeze. It tastes like you
can try it, you can love it, but it will
kill you.
It will kill you.”
— Megan Falley, from “Lana Del Rey Helps Me Decide What My Pussy Tastes Like”
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#September 2016
❝ You don’t need another human being to make your life complete, but let’s be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in your soul, but cracks to put their love into, is the most calming thing in this world. ❝ ― Emery Allen
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Cook me a soup to warm my soul.
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#10 Octombrie 2016 Hong Kong, Shangri-La
Un pahar de sampanie intre gentile Birkin si ceasurile Patek Philippe, inconjurata de monstrii de aluminiu si sticla, inchisori perfecte, inalte, pline de vieti goale.
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M-am trezit cu Marea Chinei de Sud spargandu-si valurile in cladirea in care dorm. Sunt obosita de relatia asta.
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#25 Octombrie 2016, Jakarta
Spun ‘’Yes Master’’ in timp ce ma trage de par. Ma saruta violent si maraie ca un animal care isi frange prada. Mainile lui in jurul taliei mele ma strang cu forta si imi simt oasele zvacnind sub presiune. Ma topesc toata si tot ce vreau e sa intre in mine.
I feel I am fucking the Devil.
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#7 Noiembrie, Singapore
Plamanii mei, din plumb si smoala, se umfla obositi si prima gura de aer e dureroasa. Respira, imi spun.
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E atata lumina pe cer si atat albastru pierdut spre orizont.
Timpul curge repede ca un pahar varsat din inconstienta.
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#16 Decembrie 2016 Mumbai, India
Mi s-a spus ca voi recunoaste India dupa miros dar eu o recunosc dupa sunet.
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#28 Decembrie Cluj Napoca, Romania
Privesc cum cum se naste dimineata la Cluj intr-un cer de culoare limpede, eleganta, delicata, de albastru topaz cu jucarii de nori cu margini moi, cu lumina blanda, ca o mama, cu aer curat si rece.
8.45 am citesc Jurnalul lui Mihail Sebastian.
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#30 Decembrie 2016, Cluj Napoca
Tragediile nu se traiesc zilnic. Dupa 24 de ore intervine acceptarea, ca vrei ca nu vrei. ― Mihail Sebastian
Vara in desert (UAE)
Si gandul asta nu imi da pace, gandul ca sunt cea mai buna varianta a mea doar cand nu iubesc.
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Diavolul m-a sarutat pe umar si m-am simtit in Rai.
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“So when people leave, I’ve learned the secret: let them. Because, most of the time, they have to. Let them walk away and go places. Let them have adventures in the wild without you. Let them travel the world and explore life beyond a horizon that you exist in. And know, deep down, that heroes aren’t qualified by their capacity to stay but by their decision to return.” — The Staying Philosophy, Isa Garcia
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Text message: I want you and I will have you.
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Zile in care leg bandaje pe rani permanente.
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I lied. I do that, you know, when it suits me. I would have thoughts you’d realized that by now. Anne Stuart.
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‘You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit. — Oscar Wilde
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Cred ca depresia incepe cand nu mai simti nimic. Cat timp esti trist sau fericit esti inca in limitele normalului. Depresia nu inseamna nefericire. Depresia e sentimentul ca traiesti intr-o bula in exteriorul infinit al totului. Totul se intampla in fata ta dar undeva departe, intr-o lume din care faci parte dar la care nu ai acces.
Cineva ma intreaba daca mai vreau sampanie. Nu ar trebui sa mai beau, dar ii intind paharul. Bianca face la fel.
– Ce picioare frumoase ai si mai ales ce culoare! imi spune ea si imi mangaie genunchii. Intre mine si ea toate gesturile sunt erotice dar in acelasi timp lipsite de erotism. Cu mai toate femeile din viata mea am un comportament oarecum sexual, oarecum pasional. Bianca e cea mai intima prietena a mea din cauza ca nu exista dorinta doar prietenie.
Ma uit la prietenii mei si stiu ca locul meu nu mai e aici.
Ma scuz si intreb unde e baia. Bianca ma intreaba daca sunt bine. O asigur ca da. Cand ajung la baie vomit demoni. Nu e alcoolul. Am aceiasi senzatie cand ma trezesc. Senzatia ca viata ma strange de gat.
Pilot automat: ma intorc in camera de zi cu un zambet. Povestile mele sunt dureri amestecate in dulceata.
Nimic nu mai are sens, intelegi ce spun?
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Scriu imbracata in vesminte in care nu cred, inconjurata de ceaiuri aromate si diamante. Sunt cel mai trist suflet din Paradis.
I-am spui lui Dumnezeu azi ca nu e vina lui.
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Depression it’s a side effect of dying.
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-You’re a dog, i-am spus.
-True darling, but dogs and angels are not very far apart.
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On my terrace, naked, I am smoking a joint with God.
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18 August 2018, Miercuri in Abu Dhabi.
Poate ca nu Dumnezeu a inventat batranetea, ci noi oamenii, din dragoste si ura pentru viata.
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
Are you sure, C.S. Lewis ?
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I drank coffee and read old books and waited for the year to end. Richard Brautigan.
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In timp ce mi-a desfacut rochia mi-a soptit: Draga mea, daca crezi in ceva cu adevarat nimeni nu poate sa iti spuna ca nu e asa.
10 Octombrie 2018, Sambata in Dubai
A butterfly’s dream.
28 Octombrie 2015, Ray’s Bar in Abu Dhabi
Ma intreb, cand incepi sa te ierti mai usor inseamna ca ai mult self – confidence sau ca ai mai putina morala?
4 Noiembrie 2015, Bice Restaurant in Abu Dhabi
Mimosas si fine dinning.
Overpriced life.
Bubbles.
My Diamond Bible.
Am mai fost aici dar parca balanta nu a dansat niciodata mai mult decat acum.
Ma simt ca tinerii care erau trimisi in razboi.
Oare imi dezamagesc viitorul?
Zile in Noiembrie si Decemberie 2015
Françoise Sagan — ‘Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.‘
I do cry in a Jaguar Françoise, but it does not mean it hurts less.
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Zile ca si acestea, in care imi topesc toate mastile si imi ung sufletul cu uleiul lor. Adica creez.
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– Ce ai mai facut in ultimul timp?
– Am razbunat durerile altora, din plictiseala.
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”[…]fericirea, te rog să mă crezi, nu impresionează pe nimeni şi nici nu se pot scrie mai mult de trei pagini despre ea.”
― Mihail Drumeş, Scrisoare de dragoste
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– Ce crezi despre casatorie? m-a intrebat el.
– Cred ca e un shakespearean way prin care o iubire se sinucide.
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Zile in asternuturi moi, albe, patate cu dimineti tarzii.
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Zile pline de absenta.
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Zile in cocktail de ganduri tulburi, zambete, amintiri amarui amestecate cu alcool auriu si dulce.
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“Everything was for tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. The present was only a bridge and on this bridge they are still groaning, as the world groans, and not one idiot ever thinks of blowing up the bridge.”
― Henry Miller
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Adevarul e complicat ca numai minciunile sunt simple.
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I want you to dominate me.
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Stralucirea pe care o cauta orice corp cand se stie iubit.
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‘’E-atata rutina pe lume si-atat de putin adevar’’
― Arta conversatiei Ileana Vulpescu
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After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to understand that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head held high and your eyes wide open, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
You learn to build your roads on today, because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong. And that you really do have worth and that you keep learning. With every goodbye you learn.
(Author Unknown)
Jurnal 